I’m almost ready to dress up like a Karen and talk to the manager after watching the front yard reveal this week. The results were as backward as Celine Dion’s suit at the 1999 Academy Awards, and I need someone to explain where it all went wrong.
Dry, bleak, bleak, depressing; That’s how I would describe Jimmy and Tam’s winning front yard. The judges may have been taken to Palm Springs, but I’m being taken to a rundown apartment building that keeps the trash cans. Why would a Brighton luxury shopper want their front yard to look like a desert?
What a shame if you enjoy working in the garden. All you will do is rake gravel and pour stones. How should young children enjoy this space? Climb the cacti? I can’t find a redeeming function here. The intersection has malfunctioned.
SARAH AND GEORGE ALSO TIED FIRST
I’m also a little baffled by this win. The heavy masonry around the entrance to the house is the main concern. It’s more aggressive than SAS Australia’s soldiers. It’s a focus, but not a very good one. It feels too dominant and at odds with the rest of the facade. And what’s worse, it doesn’t reflect the design you find around the house (which is actually pretty awesome).
On the plus side, the plants are all beautiful, if not a little sparse. This facade has to be softened, that is the problem. Like Roxy Jacenko at SAS Australia, I’m ready to take advantage of this experience as soon as possible as it all feels too heavy.
Daniel and Jade tied themselves together for the second time
In a shocking twist, I declare Daniel and Jade’s front yard the best of the week. Why they didn’t win is a mystery to me. Sure, the steps could have been better, but overall it’s material first.
It is the only property where the brick walls of the garden work with the house and improve it. When you enter the yard it just gets better. The lush grass, beautiful mature plants, a walkway to the front door; it delivers more than Dougie the Pizza Boy. This zone also has a great meeting of modern and historical design. I haven’t seen young and old come together so successfully since George Clooney married Amal.
Luke and Jasmine tied for the second
The other team that deserves first place are again Luke and Jasmin. The gorgeous Federation facade of this house fits the assignment perfectly, but still reads utterly delicious in a modern Melbourne setting. The patio furniture is a nice touch and connects the front porch with the scheme inside. And I love that they made the pit a feature and gave it curves that match those you find in the bathroom and kitchen inside.
Although I love a ginger, I wish the outer wall were a different color and I have to agree with Neale on the water feature. Like Trump in the White House, I want it to be removed.
Harry and Tash came last
Landing in last place for Harry and Tash is like coming home from Maccas and discovering that they left out the sauce. I feel robbed. That’s not to say that their garden is without problems, but it is definitely better than two other gardens this week.
Seventy percent of them are charming. I love the soft color palette, the balustrades, the plants and the paving. But things change when we come across the graveyard with pebbles and the brightly colored brick archway. I’m surprised they didn’t install a stone gargoyle. Although it is busier than Kmart after the second lock is removed, it only takes some editing to make it amazing.
Chris Carroll is the Melbourne-based designer behind TLC Interiors. A home-style interior design studio and blog help everyday Aussies transform their spaces without breaking the bank. www.tlcinteriors.com.au | Instagram
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