In April 2020 Somewhere in Seattle, a 39-year-old man with a shaved head and unkempt facial hair lifts an ose to the camera of his laptop. Then he pulls a camping knife out of his pocket and nudges the double massager on the underside of his bulbous head.
These are the beginnings of the Covid-19 ban, and Brian Sloan, the man in question, apologized over Skype for his sloppy outfit: a light gray fleece hoodie and dark gray pants, which he also wore for two weeks. Sloan, the inventor of the Autoblow, the Slaphappy and the 3Fap, is no stranger to the inner workings of pleasure products. “I dismantle most sex toys,” he tells me to better understand his competitors. (Lots of sex toy designers do the same thing.) Sloan disassembled air pressure-powered products like the Womanizer and Satisfyer. He’s deconstructed automated strokers like the Fleshlight Launch. “I took everything that was mechanical pretty much apart,” he continues. Today Sloan is determined to look inside the Osé, and I’ve invited myself to see it.
His surgery begins with an excavation of the product’s “robotic” G-spot stimulator – its come-hithering hardware. Sloan cuts into the silicone skin and peels it off like he’s peeling corn. The stimulator thus exposed is an elongated plastic shell with a serrated slit carved along one side. Sloan turns on the toy and watches the engine start purring. There’s a screw inside the capsule, and with juice it begins to twist and push a plastic ball about the width of a finger, moving back and forth along the length of the opening in the case. The screw is positioned at an angle so that the ball protrudes every time it moves up along the running surfaces, and then retracts inward with every return. “It’s like one of those ingenious, simple ways to do something,” says Sloan – a clever, inexpensive hack. (“Sloan’s speculations about Osé technology and the cost of manufacturing Osé are wrong,” the company said, noting that the US Patent Office has classified the device as novel and unique.)
At first glance, Brian Sloan seems to be Lora Haddock DiCarlos Yang’s yin: Where DiCarlo makes products that help women discover their bodies, Sloan’s flagship product, the Autoblow, advertises “unlimited, perfect blowjobs” for men. While DiCarlo asked potential customers about their anatomical measurements, Sloan set up beauty pageants to find the most exquisite vaginas and anuses in the world. (He promised the winners thousands of dollars in exchange for 3D scans of their openings that would form the basis of his future toys.) Where DiCarlo was an advocate for the industry’s foray into the “wellness” mainstream, Sloan is all too happy wallow in the putrefaction.
They also have their similarities. DiCarlo’s marketing, mainly aimed at direct sales to consumers, draws on the language of advanced technology: microrobotics, biomimesis, data-driven design. So does Sloans: His Autoblow AI device, which is also sold directly through a website, is said to replicate fellatio techniques based on a machine learning analysis of 1,000 hours of video material. Like DiCarlo, Sloan was once on the path to a more conventional career. He made his way into the sex industry after graduating from Penn State with a law degree. She has said that she dropped out of medical school to start a tech company after having a strong orgasm. As a result, she lay there drooling and thought: That was cool. How do I do this alone again? ‘”
Sloan has sold hundreds of thousands of blowjob machines, though his company only has a handful of full-time employees and no dedicated marketing team. And since the pandemic slowed production at his factories in China, he has time to investigate the Osé around the world. Having just pried apart his G-spot stimulator, he now turns to his flexible neck. Under the silicone skin he finds another tube that gives the sex toy its special flexibility. Coyote Amrich from Good Vibrations was particularly impressed by this innovation. Most sex toys are not designed to be bent at all, she told me, but the Osé could be shaped into seemingly infinite contortions. “I’ve never seen the technology before,” she said.
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