Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Season 15 Episode 3

The episode begins with a simple household scene. Shannon prepares dinner and her new handsome boyfriend, John, tells her that her refrigerator is a little smelly. “What?” Asks Shannon? She can’t smell it. He sniffs it again and says, “Yes, something smells.” Shannon still can’t find it. “You have to tell me what it is. You know I can’t smell anything after my sinus surgery. “Finally, to make her feel better, John Shannon says that her fridge no longer smells. John better be careful what he says, Brandi Glanville said that Joanna Krupa’s “refrigerator” smelled and she ended up getting a lawsuit.

But what if it isn’t the sinus surgery? What if Shannon lost her sense of smell? Do you know what this is a symptom of? Yes, the disease that was formerly known as Cornova virus. Do you think she had it? Do you think she made it back then? We all know the lock is coming. Have the invisible viral Cylons come for Shannon and her smelly fridge? I never thought I’d say that, but after this episode I just wanted them to hurry up and get to our national health crisis already because it was all just a little too much understanding.

I spent most of the episode loving Shannon and hating her. She tells John over dinner that she really wants to quit the gym in her house, which is a huge fuck you to her fitness obsessed ex David, and I’m here for that. Then she tells John that she hates his peloton because she finds it claustrophobic and “the seat hurts your vagina”. John tells her this is her pelvic bone and that the pain will go away. Seriously, is this guy going to explain to a woman who actually has a sore vagina?

Then she gets angry when Kelly Dodd meets her father and says, “Big Dick Daddy from Cincinnati.” Shannon admits that he is a party boy and a ladies man with a much younger second wife. He probably loved it. Yeah, it was a little weird, but that’s Kelly “Please punish the beaver Ward Cleaver” Dodd. It cannot be suppressed. Get over it, Shannon.

I loved Shannon too when she met Braunwyn to Dr. Moon, her acupuncturist and all-round medical guru. I love dr Moon because he’s really mean to Shannon, pointing out how much acupuncture she needs for emotional problems and what kind of baby she is to cry over the tiniest needle in her back.

Then I hate Shannon when she finally got on with Dr. Moon’s table rises. She complains about how sore her tailbone is – has she cured the bin again? – but then when he tries to fix it she screams like someone picked up the last bag of miniature peanut butter cups from Reese the day before Halloween.

I love that Shannon hired her and John’s kids to serve as waiters for their housewarming party, even John’s seedy son Joe, who goes by the name Brockington on Sean Cody dot com. (Don’t Google that. The joke wasn’t meant for you.) The kids sure don’t want to be there, but if they need to be there, at least let them work. They are spoiled OK kids, at least she teaches them that sometimes they have to work for whatever they have.

Then I hate Shannon for running around her house yelling, “This pillow is not perfect” and “Oh, it wouldn’t be Sophie’s room without a popsicle on the floor.” I’m shocked that Shannon didn’t care asked to speak to the manager. The irony is that they are is the managing director. They know Shannon is the head of Karen on their block. She’s probably the boss of all of Newport Beach, and that’s a land so dense in Karens that iPhones dial 911 when a black person walks past them on the sidewalk.

I’m so back and forth on Shannon. I love that all these years later she’s finally leaning into the “nine lemons in a bowl” thing with a lemon themed party, and then I remember it’s because it’s a branding for Shannon’s bad ones Business idea with lemons or some shit is then I just want to burn your rent to the ground and then make a great grief: “Did I do that?” While Shannon hyperventilates on the lawn.

I’m not at all ambiguous about my feelings for Braunwyn. I just feel very bad for her, want to hug her tightly and tell her everything will be fine and (aside from the fact that it is set in a very public place) what she’s going through is not that different. In fact, clinging to sobriety is the most painful thing there is. She’s trying to do what’s right for her, but right now she’s spinning around like one of those wobbly men in a roadside car dealership, but instead of being air propelled, she is propelled by months of tequila burps and anxiety.

The editors really got her dirty showing the whole family sit down for dinner and then Braunwyn put the “little ones” (as the younger kids seem to be called) to bed and said how glad she was she was can stop taking care of themselves and start taking care of their children again, as the only thing stronger than their addiction is their love for their children. Then she just tosses them all into her room and they jump around on the bed while the nanny tries to argue them all and Braunwyn just says, “Good night!” And goes to her room to complain about her problems.

When Braunwyn picks up Shannon to see Dr. Going to Moon’s office, she picks up Shannon who told Emily Shannon talked shit about Gina’s house and said it was sad and depressing. It’s like a phone game. I don’t mean that it’s like one person is telling the next and things get confused. I mean it’s out of date, nobody has one anymore, and most people don’t care.

Shannon insists she didn’t call the house sad and depressing, but Braunwyn says she did. We see a split screen discussing their positions as Rick Santorum and Ana Navarro on a CNN panel, but we don’t see the footage of what happened? Why let everyone argue when they can just go back to the footage? I think I could just go to the first episode of this season and watch myself, but I’m so lazy.

[Comes back five minutes later after checking the tape with a handful of Pirate’s Booty and a stain on my shirt.] Okay so I checked the tape. [Said with my mouth full.] When Shannon goes to Braunwyn’s house, Braunwyn talks about Gina moving in with her husband, a “big mistake” (which is worse for me than saying her house sucks) and how she lives in a small place. Shannon says the place is small. “It’s … a lot,” she says.

This is not “sad and depressing” unless there is a scene where she said this that we were not shown and we are all taken. (If this show is going to take me away, it’s better off in Kelly Dodd’s Golden Lobster, which is also her nickname for her boyfriend.) Why shouldn’t they show us off? There’s no other drama so they want this strange feud to continue for a few episodes and the fans to take sides?

The only team I’m on is the team that says Elizabeth’s boyfriend, Johnny, who has been with her for months and isn’t laid, should really get some before Elizabeth’s divorce is finalized. (It’s going to go to court! It could be years! Bethenny Frankel is still married to Jason Hoppy!)

At Shannon’s party, Gina sits down with Shannon and says, “Why did you say my house is depressing?” And Shannon says, “I haven’t,” and Gina says, “Okay, we’re cool.” But then Shannon is mad when Braunwyn arrives and accuses her of “putting words in my mouth”. While they are talking Shannon gets hotter and hotter and it’s really unfair to Braunwyn. She showed up at her first party in her 30 days of sobriety and as soon as anyone mentions tequila she has to go to the bathroom and cry. Braunwyn looks like she has put on a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser and Shannon yells at her.

I don’t understand why Braunwyn insists Shannon said it. She’s been through enough already, she might as well say, “You know, I think I heard you wrong. We’re sorry. ”Instead, she says to Shannon,“ For the first time in my life I’m sober and I can remember things clearly. ”This is such a sober rookie mistake. It’s like Luann poking fun at Tinsley for blurring her words on the RHONY trip to Miami. Just because she’s sober for a month doesn’t give her super ginko biloba any memory powers. She will even admit that she is distracted and anxious, maybe she remembers not because of alcohol but because of her way of thinking?

The women share the room and Braunwyn complains to Elizabeth and Sean about what happened and says she has to be honest now because “You are only as sick as your secrets,” which is a saying straight out of the box Recovery is coming. Braunwyn has the fresh, sober halo and finds it difficult to interact with the world. I get it. Everyone in recovery goes through, but insisting that she is right doesn’t work for her. She doesn’t necessarily have to eat shit, but she should at least keep the fight from going on and putting herself in a bad situation.

Then, since Braunwyn is as raw as a chain of baggy restaurants, she thinks it’s a good idea to talk to Gina, who she’s been openly talking about trash for months. Sean even encourages this because he wears an immunity idol (thanks, Emily) and thinks it means he is immune to drama. He’s wrong. Braunwyn tries to speak to Gina, but Shannon starts yelling at her, “How dare you come into my house and put words in my mouth?”

Braunwyn tries to put up with the fact that she put her mouth up because she thinks Gina doesn’t like her. What I would suggest is go in there and apologize and try to explain to yourself. Instead, she tries to defend herself. When Gina says, “You didn’t call me or text me,” Braunwyn says, “I wanted to, but I didn’t have time.” Emily is all of us when she says, “You have two nannies and you don’t work. You could find the time “Braunwyn then explains that she was so busy taking her kids to school and getting facials, which twunk Joe knows something about too. (Again, not Google.)

As things escalate, Gina says, “You’re like a sloppy Chihuahua. You’re wasted all the time. “And then Braunwyn decides to admit,” I’m 30 days sober today, bitch. “Then she storms off and tosses her glass either in the pool or on the patio, which is probably not a good idea as there is certainly a lot at this party too many flip flops out there. Braunwyn, her eyes burning like in a smoky room, rushes out of the party, Sean is on her heels. She jumps out of Shannon’s screen door and throws her sunglasses on the floor. Now she is blushing, the spots are spreading down her neck to her breasts and she feels like a noose – her sobriety, her family, her friends, this show, the truth, her version of the truth, Shannon, Emily, the Minivan that’ll take her home, the welcome mat Rowan picked and loathed. “Take it off,” she whispers breathlessly and scratches her neck. Sean catches up with her and tries to hug her, tries to get her arms to her sides. “Take it from me,” she says. “Remove it.”